16th January 2009

This week: Non-verbal communication. How do I come across by how I dress? Cruella De Vil? Primark Princess? I certainly never mind something cheap that looks like it's more expensive. I feel slightly ashamed for even admitting it but how I look is important to me. Whatever i wear, I just want to put it on, feel satisfied and then forget about it. But, because I am loud, colourful, funky blah blah, I do sometimes fret that I'm hiding... what? A lack of inner substance?? Surely not! I might be a frustrated fashion designer I suppose. E critiques my style and me, hers. She by contrast is very tall, thin and groomed. Her height precludes her from wearing very bright colours, perhaps? We came to no obvious conclusions beyond agreeing that clothes can be codification or indicators of what tribal group you belong to. Also secret signs for certain groups like gay and lesbian for whom more overt display might be dangerous.

NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:
Dress
posture
eye contact
Facial expression
Smell
Mobile ring tones (yes really).

After the break we took turns to be counsellor and client to discuss the subject for the first essay. B went first but my smiling rictus put her off. The brief was to listen without speaking, to indicate our engagement with the client by non-verbal means. I was forced to jump in and ask a question to get B going again and it was fine. I then talked, which I found fine and B's manner was friendly, interested but neutral which made it easy to talk. We had forms to fill in about the experience which we can use to build up a portfolio.

NOTE TO SELF: Don't gurn at the clients. It puts them off.

9th January 2009

An interesting presentation from E who recounted an aggressive encounter she had had when in her other job as a nanny and accompanied by her young charge. She handled it very well but was shaken by the incident. The group were very reassuring and supportive as we discussed various interpretations for the woman's behaviour: something hard to pin down as it is difficult to know what goes on in someone else's head. We agreed that a certain amount of projection and transference must have been going on (on the part of the aggressor) and that it was unlikely to just come out of nothing or indeed as a reaction to anything E might have done.

We then moved on to how we felt about the break and how we felt about coming back to the group. J and I talked about her self-doubt and how she very nearly gave up on the course altogether because of it but I felt she could draw on that feeling as an empathic tool for counselling. We are not experts after all, we are just human.

I then spoke about the holidays, a break in which everybody seemed to be moaning about something. I felt my own concerns to fade somewhat into the background in an attempt to keep everybody happy.

We moved on to different writing styles and discussed it in counselling ways. This I did with T. We identified creative writing, stream of consciousness writing and the academic form. We took turns to speak and to listen. Hard for me to keep my fat mouth shut. Note to self: LISTEN, DON'T INTERRUPT.

First post of 2009:

This an update as I found some thoughts still relating to last year's sessions in my class notebook:

12th December 2009

Some interesting personal revelations came to me unbidden in today's class. We were discussing the completion of the personal learning review paaperwork which led to the following discussion: How am I around people very similar or dissimilar to myself?

I realised that i am actually quite challenged by people similar to myself. I am reminded of a time many years ago when a dear friend said I am bringing someone to meet you. I want to see you together because i think you're very similar. Up turned this boy who was very sweet, not a malicious bone in his body but he never drew breath and seemed very eccentric. After he left, my friend asked me what I thought of him. I denied any perceived similarity but what I really meant was: Is that how people see me? talkative but eccentric? Not the image I had of myself at all! But such is ego and the illusionary tactics of self-image. At least there was no harm in the lad, and by extrapolation, me.