Presentation part two: 13th March 2009

I changed my mind about the presentation, deciding to focus upon something in the past and how my understanding of that has clarified since doing the course.

the daughter of a friend and I were in the habit of having lunch together. Her family were elsewhere in the world. When her life became more difficult and her marriage became troubled. she leaned and leaned on me until, in the end I had to back away, unable to help her any more, so great were her emotional needs. I felt I had let her down badly but I simply could not cope. I've brooded about this over the years and come to no satisfactory conclusion about what I could have done that was right or appropriate. My link into the course was my fear that a client might demand more from me than I was willing to give (or able to give). Comments from the class were reassuring, supportive and helpful. It was felt that the framework of the counsellor/client relationship would contain the neediness of the client and the ability to help of the counsellor. I guess what we're talking about here s a tacit acknowledgement of pre-determined boundaries that both contains and enables the helping relationship.

We then moved on to dyad discussion about multiculturalism and listening. I partnered with K who spoke about her gap year travel in the seventies and how she realised that having a white skin was enough to get you into the pool of a big posh hotel abroad even if you looked ragged.

I related our holiday in Spain where I was anticipating Almodovar all the way but actually (and depressingly) got a load of insecure Brits ranting on about how England was going to the dogs and how everything was run by 'Muslims and queers'. Sigh. I couldn't wait to get back to good old multicultural London where people are more tolerant.

Much discussion ensued about assumptions and stereotypes. We all do it I suppose, but so much better to look behind the assumption and perceive the individual and their place in the world. Also how it's possible to have a foot in both worlds if you speak another language than English at home for example. I think it's possible to extrapolate from one experience of 'cultural' identity and apply it to another.

Tomorrow there is a seminar on the next course we might take. I shall report back.

9th January 2009

An interesting presentation from E who recounted an aggressive encounter she had had when in her other job as a nanny and accompanied by her young charge. She handled it very well but was shaken by the incident. The group were very reassuring and supportive as we discussed various interpretations for the woman's behaviour: something hard to pin down as it is difficult to know what goes on in someone else's head. We agreed that a certain amount of projection and transference must have been going on (on the part of the aggressor) and that it was unlikely to just come out of nothing or indeed as a reaction to anything E might have done.

We then moved on to how we felt about the break and how we felt about coming back to the group. J and I talked about her self-doubt and how she very nearly gave up on the course altogether because of it but I felt she could draw on that feeling as an empathic tool for counselling. We are not experts after all, we are just human.

I then spoke about the holidays, a break in which everybody seemed to be moaning about something. I felt my own concerns to fade somewhat into the background in an attempt to keep everybody happy.

We moved on to different writing styles and discussed it in counselling ways. This I did with T. We identified creative writing, stream of consciousness writing and the academic form. We took turns to speak and to listen. Hard for me to keep my fat mouth shut. Note to self: LISTEN, DON'T INTERRUPT.

Final post of 2008

We had a very interesting discussion last week about the subject of a forthcoming essay title. Now, personally, I love a good essay. 1500 words? A mere bagatelle. But then I say this as a writer anyway. Slightly different for those who are not used to writing essays and are coming to it fresh, and in some cases, with English as a second language.

The question to be answered was: What are the differences between counselling as a friend and counselling as a 'counsellor'. It seems fairly straightforward. For example, if you have a friend who asks for your advice concerning an aggressive partner, your response might well be; Get a restraining order and LEAVE. As a 'counsellor' I think my approach would be rather more restrained and devoid (as far as possible) of emotion. I think I would ask questions in order to help the 'client' understand why she might stay with an aggressive partner. Is she repeating a pattern of behaviour from earlier relationships or even from childhood? I think what I mean is that good counselling is not necessarily advice as such, but asking pertinent questions and LISTENING.

So, job done! All I have to do is expand that to 1500 words.

No stress then.