Presentation part two: 13th March 2009

I changed my mind about the presentation, deciding to focus upon something in the past and how my understanding of that has clarified since doing the course.

the daughter of a friend and I were in the habit of having lunch together. Her family were elsewhere in the world. When her life became more difficult and her marriage became troubled. she leaned and leaned on me until, in the end I had to back away, unable to help her any more, so great were her emotional needs. I felt I had let her down badly but I simply could not cope. I've brooded about this over the years and come to no satisfactory conclusion about what I could have done that was right or appropriate. My link into the course was my fear that a client might demand more from me than I was willing to give (or able to give). Comments from the class were reassuring, supportive and helpful. It was felt that the framework of the counsellor/client relationship would contain the neediness of the client and the ability to help of the counsellor. I guess what we're talking about here s a tacit acknowledgement of pre-determined boundaries that both contains and enables the helping relationship.

We then moved on to dyad discussion about multiculturalism and listening. I partnered with K who spoke about her gap year travel in the seventies and how she realised that having a white skin was enough to get you into the pool of a big posh hotel abroad even if you looked ragged.

I related our holiday in Spain where I was anticipating Almodovar all the way but actually (and depressingly) got a load of insecure Brits ranting on about how England was going to the dogs and how everything was run by 'Muslims and queers'. Sigh. I couldn't wait to get back to good old multicultural London where people are more tolerant.

Much discussion ensued about assumptions and stereotypes. We all do it I suppose, but so much better to look behind the assumption and perceive the individual and their place in the world. Also how it's possible to have a foot in both worlds if you speak another language than English at home for example. I think it's possible to extrapolate from one experience of 'cultural' identity and apply it to another.

Tomorrow there is a seminar on the next course we might take. I shall report back.

Presentation

So anyway, I have decided what I will talk about on Friday. In terms of family dynamics, prior to the course, I was always a great one for 'solving' whatever crisis was going on. Not only with the children but also in my relationship with my husband. Though my willingness to deal with issues is probably a good thing, my coping strategies have not always been a good choice. So, lately (faced with a fairly insoluble situation) I have decided on a new approach: Stepping away and just seeing what might happen.

The one major benefit is that I seem to have got rid of an almost crippling anxiety. I think I've noticed this because I've been lugging it around for years. My baggage as it were. Something that started when my father died and I had to become emotionally self-sufficient. An event that coincided with puberty and its attendant insecurities. I really think at the age of 49, I'm allowed to put it down.

Writing styles: 6th February 2009

Today we discussed different writing styles in preparation for the first essay.

It became apparent that a certain balance between the academic and the vernacular was preferable. On the one hand, any quotes should be rigorously referenced to back up (or disprove) your argument but on the other hand there was every danger of sending your tutor to sleep if the tone was too dry and removed from personal experience. Spacing, font, paragraphs and grammar all have their part to play here. Also an awareness of the audience, as it were.

This followed a very honest presentation by M who spoke candidly about how he has altered in his relationships since beginning the course.

9th January 2009

An interesting presentation from E who recounted an aggressive encounter she had had when in her other job as a nanny and accompanied by her young charge. She handled it very well but was shaken by the incident. The group were very reassuring and supportive as we discussed various interpretations for the woman's behaviour: something hard to pin down as it is difficult to know what goes on in someone else's head. We agreed that a certain amount of projection and transference must have been going on (on the part of the aggressor) and that it was unlikely to just come out of nothing or indeed as a reaction to anything E might have done.

We then moved on to how we felt about the break and how we felt about coming back to the group. J and I talked about her self-doubt and how she very nearly gave up on the course altogether because of it but I felt she could draw on that feeling as an empathic tool for counselling. We are not experts after all, we are just human.

I then spoke about the holidays, a break in which everybody seemed to be moaning about something. I felt my own concerns to fade somewhat into the background in an attempt to keep everybody happy.

We moved on to different writing styles and discussed it in counselling ways. This I did with T. We identified creative writing, stream of consciousness writing and the academic form. We took turns to speak and to listen. Hard for me to keep my fat mouth shut. Note to self: LISTEN, DON'T INTERRUPT.

That's the way to do it!

As part of the course we all have to do a five minute presentation demonstrating how the course has affected our lives on a day to day basis, as it were.

As a writer, I am tempted to make a short piece utilising a Punch And Judy Scenario. Punch and Dr Freud perhaps, in which Judy, exasperated with Punch's unreconstructed macho behaviour beats him to a pulp with his own stick and feeds him to the crocodile (sausage first of course). I shall then invite my fellow students to analyse my unconscious motivations in writing the piece.